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two mini haibun/gembun

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  • two mini haibun/gembun

    - But you know they think they are trees


    in an open market
    yellow pills
    can be blue




    *




    - But, you know, they think they are trees



    all day dusk
    a flame without
    its moth

  • #2
    I particularly like the second one! Nice work.
    ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

    Comment


    • jshb
      jshb commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you :-)

  • #3
    Excellent, Johannes! As I read them again and again, I find the repetition of the tree line add gravitas to the following kus. I end up thinking, “but of course” to the entire set.

    Comment


    • jshb
      jshb commented
      Editing a comment
      thank you, Ray

  • #4
    Yeah I like the idea of subtle variations On the first line and the pair as a sequence. You could probably extend it a bit longer and still have it be effective it you wanted. 👍
    ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

    Comment


    • jshb
      jshb commented
      Editing a comment
      I like them to remain open for interpretation/wondering of "what comes after"?

  • #5
    Very good work yet again, Johannes. To comma or not to comma!

    Comment


    • jshb
      jshb commented
      Editing a comment
      yes, but both expressions are open in the same way. I mean, what follows may play out in the reader's mind and hopefully he/she can imagine a scene where that sentence/those sentences make absolutely sense
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