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a mockingbird sings (linked tanka and haiku)

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  • a mockingbird sings (linked tanka and haiku)

    at some point
    carlo’s mom
    becomes an eagle
    being ex-lovers
    you say nothing


    above the horizon
    the neon fata morgana
    of a burger joint



    just below
    a first kiss
    the grease stain
    of a marching
    ungulate army


    cloven hooves
    all polished up
    for the masquerade



    upon seeing
    the anthill
    she pretends
    he didn't step
    on her foot

    ***

    grains of sand
    slither along the asphalt
    under the sun
    even the gila monster
    gets lonely sometimes



    you train a hawk
    and the sky
    becomes a soy burger


    electric blue
    the drag queen dons
    her feather boa
    under dressing room lights
    and adjusts her eyelashes



    dark morning
    cracking the water’s surface
    a hen’s egg


    too late to sleep
    too early to pour a drink yet
    a mockingbird sings
    even the distant foghorn
    brings a wince of pain




    Michael O'Brien
    Clayton Beach
    ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

  • #2
    Michael & Clayton, I really like this new form. What a terrific collaboration! I enjoyed reading it more than once based the changing cadence. The middle tanka lines gave me pause in a good way. It would somehow tie the last 2 lines to the next poem. Again, we’ll done. I noticed the asterisks broke it into 2 groupings. What was the idea here?

    Comment


    • Clayton Beach
      Clayton Beach commented
      Editing a comment
      It’s based on the ten-link Renku format that Hansha and I worked on in Memories of the Future, the form has two sections that can have a shift in tone etc. and I think visually it helps when there is a shift in the alternations to break up the wall of text feeling that two consecutive tanka have.

    • Clayton Beach
      Clayton Beach commented
      Editing a comment
      Were there an odd number of people and the alternations held the same throughout I would omit the pause.

    • Deborah P Kolodji
      Deborah P Kolodji commented
      Editing a comment
      Clayton, I'm happy Mariko and I inspired you. I love how this came out. Mariko and I have another one out for submission, where I lead with haiku and she responds with tanka. It's shorter, and once we find a home for it, I'll post about it here.

  • #3
    Also, credit is due to Mariko Kitokubo and Deborah Kolodji for the origin of the form in case anybody missed this post introducing it:

    https://haikusanctuary.com/forum/hai...anka-and-haiku
    ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

    Comment


  • #4
    Lovely work Michael & Clayton! Challenging form. I need to gather up some courage to test it .

    Comment


    • Clayton Beach
      Clayton Beach commented
      Editing a comment
      It’s a good excuse to practice tanka!
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