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October snow

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  • October snow

    the whole horizont
    filled
    in one snowflake

    Any and all comments appreciated.

  • #2
    Could you describe the effect you want to have on the reader or what you’re envisioning in more words? Knowing exactly what you intend with the poem would help us give relevant feedback, I’m not getting a clear sense of what you want to be saying.
    ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

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    • #3
      I want to said when a snowflake gets in your eyes, it shuts the entire skyline

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      • #4
        Ah! I get it now. I like the humor. Perhaps this makes it more clear?

        the whole horizon
        shuttered
        by a single snowflake
        ghost cave i brush aside the dharma of a lobster god

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